This blog will be a combination journal through the next 34 weeks of my pre-natal self-care, and journey through planning our first unassisted homebirth!
Yesterday, I hit what we think is my 6 week mark in my pregnancy. This is baby number FIVE for us and will be our third homebirth! My first two sons were born in the hospital and although were natural births with no medical interference they can't compare with my last two intimate and calming births at home with my husband, mom, and midwife, Beth.
(Picture below of Layla's Homebirth 2007)
During my pregnancy with Layla, I often day-dreamed about having an unassisted birth with her, but inside I knew that mentally and emotionally I wasn't quite ready for an unassisted homebirth and neither was my easily worrisome husband. I knew we both needed one more birth under our belts to feel the confidence in planning an unassisted birth. Billy wasn't too keen on the idea and said that he felt the most comfortable having Beth as our midwife, so if anything went wrong he wouldn't have to think of what to do.
We have been ttc baby #5 since April '08 and found out we were pregnant with cinco the day before Thanksgiving at my mom's house. I was so elated with thankfulness after trying for so long to be pregnant, but we trusted in God's perfect timing and now here we are.
Billy's almost immediate response (after the initial excitement) was what are we going to do for prenatal care and birth? Who? Where? How? These are things we had talked about over the last 8 months of ttc, but my husbands famous last words are, " We'll talk about it later." He does this to passify me and to give him time to digest this "world of wierdness that I expose him to." Well, here we are and my desire to have an unassisted birth is stronger than ever! Billy has come along way. He has been talking about it a little each night. Last night, for the first time Billy told me he was "petrafied at Gideon and Layla's births." I was shocked! Their births were wonderful and easy and he was so calm and continuously comforting me during labor. Now, don't get me wrong Billy does not like blood or vernix or anything "gross," but emotionally he held me together. I think one of his issues about being "petrified" at their births was feeling that he was going to have to "preform" (catching the baby, cutting cord, etc...) infront of all these ppl (my mother, midwife, midwife's apprentise, the cat-lol!) and he feared he wouldn't live up to all their expectations. I shared my psychoanalyzing with him last night he acually agreed by saying, "Yeah, maybe."
I offered a different view of baby cinco's birth. One that was just us and no audience. He still would not be committed to "doing anything" except for calling for help if need be. He seemed open to this idea more.
Truthfully, I've really been thinking of laboring and birthing alone this time (completely alone- w/o Billy). What an amazing journey that would be to allow my body to work together the way God intended it to. To not have to preform or be cauntious of my body, position, or moaning. To listen to my body telling me what to do in order to push my baby out. When I told Billy, he said he didn't want to leave me alone to birth our baby. We'll see how God leads us. My prayer is for a peaceful mind for Billy, and strength and trust for myself through this birth. I'm not putting constraints or expectations on this birth. I want us to have complete open communication and when it comes to "the time" I pray that things will flow naturally and comfortably for everyone.