27 weeks pregnant with Evangeline Rose

Evangeline Rose 27 weeks! 

Evangeline~ "Good News"  God answering our prayers and giving us life in my womb after 3 years of asking is "Good News" to us and we are missionaries in Utah spreading His "Good News!" Her name has special meaning in both ways to us!
Rose~ from my maiden name "Rossell" and after our baby, Lulah Pearl, who is with Jesus and laid to rest under a wild rose bush.


Growing Life........

God's Goodness Overcomes Tragedy

I'm late posting this beautiful news, but here it is! The Lord is good! He has placed life inside my womb after 3 years of praying and asking...All in His sovereign timing and goodness. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

A BUN in the OVEN! 

God's goodness overcomes tragedy.

/

I refuse fear. I choose Truth!

Heavenly Father,

 As I go through this pregnancy, I choose to cast down every imagination; fear, anxiety and worry; bringing them into the captivity of Christ. I thank you that I have no need to fear bad news because You strengthen me and give me hope as trust in You. Thank You that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You! I desire faith like Abraham, believing that ‘You exist and that You are a rewarder of those who diligently seek You’. You said, ‘I would find You, God, when I seek You with all of my heart’. Father, I choose to seek You first, along this journey. I praise You! You said in the Bible, that ‘You would bless the fruit of my womb, the number of my days you would fulfill and that none shall be barren among your people’.  I thank you now, for giving me faith and hope to believe in this new miracle! A feeling of anxiousness has come over me at times now that I am pregnant. At times my mind is racing and my heart beats fast and fear takes hold of me. Father, help me to do as You say in Your Word, that ‘in prayer and petition, with a thankful heart to let my requests be made known to You. ‘As I lay my requests at Your feet, I exchange my anxious thoughts for a mind of peace. Perfect peace as you have promised, when my mind is stayed upon You. I praise You for that peace that passes all understanding.  As I go through these next months carrying this beautiful gift You've given to us, help me to delight myself in You, to be strong and of good courage, to not go ahead of your perfect plan. I praise and thank You, as I wait on You, that my strength is restored, so I can soar like an eagle. I choose to place my trust in You in waiting, believing You will refresh me.As I seek You, You said that ‘You would answer me and deliver me from all my fears.’ I praise You that You are with me, that I have no need to feel discouraged or afraid for this baby.Thank you that You are my strength and my help. Bring peace to my troubled heart as You uphold me with Your righteous right hand.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Written February 19, 2011

The Unassisted "Birth" of Lulah Pearl 

at 10 weeks.

 "Born" on May 5, 2011

Written February 19, 2012

 My uterus aches I want a baby so badly. I want to hold her. I want to nurse her. I want to wear her in my sling all day long. I don't care if baby comes through my own body or through adoption, I just need to have one. I can't describe how strong this feeling is. It is so strong that the idea of taking someone elses baby crosses through my mind. I would never do it, but often when I am in a grocery store and I see an itty bitty one strapped into a baby carrier I want to save it. I feel like I could be a better mom to it. I would strap him on to me, lay him at my breast and console his tiny crying voice. I miss the days of cooing and nursing. I miss my baby that is suppose to be here right now in my arms and should be turning three months old. I want to see her chubby cheeks and sweet milky smiles as she drifts off to sleep at my breast. There is a hole in my heart. It needs to be filled. Someone please place a baby in my arms. Someone please heal my hurting heart. Two and a half years of trying to get pregnant~ my heart aches so much. WHY did we have to loose our baby? I'm so scared of finding out I'm pregnant again. If that day ever comes it will be a day of JOY, but also fear. Fear that I could loose another. I saw her tiny hands. Each perfect finger and each perfect toe. Her tiny head laid to the side and her eye and tiny ear bud, not fully formed but there growing in perfectness. I still can't believe how much of a baby she already was, at 10 weeks. I carried her for 3 more weeks after I found out her heart no longer beat. Everyday came and I wanted to see her and hold her. I wanted it all to be over, so I could move on too. So confusing are all these emotions. I wanted to stay "pregnant" with her forever. Forever, safe inside of me.  I was so numb. Sad. Trying to be strong for my husband and kids who were experiencing the death too. I prayed that God would allow me to see her when my body birthed her tiny body. He did. My God heard my cry and answered my prayers. I am so thankful. Three weeks passed with her  safe inside of me, but with no beating heart. NO cramping came. No bleeding came. Just meals from everyone and meaningless words to try and comfort. "You'll get pregnant again." " This is very normal." "You're lucky that you already have five children." All said with good intentions, but cut so deep. Smiling through the meals and the visits, but my heart was broken and shattered and I never knew if I would be whole again. Finely,  22 days after knowing my baby had died, sitting at the computer messaging a friend who had been through the same devastation as me many times before, I heard and felt a loud "PoP." About half an hour earlier cramping had started and intense cramping had begun and felt very much like labor. It was rhythmic and strong. I couldn't get away from it no matter what I did. I rocked back and forth on my birthing ball while messaging my friend. The "Pop" came and I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I could feel  that my pants were soaking wet. I had this fear that I was going to pull down my pants and see tons of blood, but it was clear. I stepped into the shower and squatted  Waited. My body sent this push from down deep inside and out plopped a dark red ball onto the shower floor a little larger than a tennis ball. I picked it up, searching carefully for my baby. I badly wanted to see her. Nothing. My heart sank. Had she dissolved in these past three weeks? disappeared? Sadness over took me and I stepped out of the shower to place the placenta into a bowl. As I turned around to step back into the shower, there she was. So tiny and helpless laying on the shower floor. Her tiny hand spread out was the first thing I saw. She was so tiny. The size of my thumb. Unbelievable. Perfect. Whole. I was so scared I was going to hurt her as I picked her lifeless body up. She didn't have skin. She felt like jelly, but shaped like a perfect tiny baby. I held her in my hand. Touched her tiny hand. over and over again. I counted her toes and fingers. 10 tiny toes. 10 tiny fingers all there. I was miraculously holding a tiny human, my baby, only 10 weeks old in the palm of my hand. I was thinking how people destroy this....that this wasn't life. Oh how I wish they could see her. See how beautiful she is. Her head was turned to the side and her eye, black and not completely formed yet was looking up at me. I wanted to keep her and hold her in my hand forever. I knew I had to place her in the cold dark ground, but I didn't want too. I called my husband in. He had bought the most perfect tiniest box. It was near Mother's Day and the box was suppose to be used for a gift card. It was perfect. Decorated with butterflies, it said "You are my most precious gift." We laid her in the box and closed the lid. We did not have her funeral til the next morning and all night long I got up and peeped back inside of that tiny box to take another look at my precious Pearl. It felt weird placing her on my dresser. I wanted to have her in my bed, in my belly. The next morning, we went out and bought a large green planter and picked out a beautiful wild rose bush. As a family, sitting together in our living room we said goodbye. We placed her at the bottom of the planter, each covering her with a handful of soil and planting this beautiful pink wild rose bush on top. We sang the hymn, "In the Garden" and read Psalms 139. I felt some peace. Sadness was still raw, but peace would come. We placed her (the planter) outside on our front porch where we could see her bloom everyday throughout the season and again and again the following years. It felt right having her nearby. That has been 10 months ago and spring is coming. I've seen new green leaf buds sprouting out of her rose bush. I can't wait to see her come to life this year and spread her beauty out as each leaf unfurrows and every petal opens up.  

Lulah Pearl "born" May 5, 2011
"You formed my inward parts and knitted me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well. " Psalms 139

Pre-Natal Care

Pre-Natal Self-Care for baby #6

This blog will be used to journal my pre-natal care, pregnany milestones, fears, joys, and feelings throughout the next 36 weeks of my pregnacy with baby bean #6.

Weeks Gestation: 4 weeks 2 days

Weight: 260

BP:

Ketones: (-)

Movement: none

Prenatal Vitamins:

Omega 3-6-9:

Red Rasberry:

Folic acids: Yes, in the form of spinach in my smoothies and fresh green veggies!

I believe I am around 4 weeks and am basing this on when Ibelieve we conceived (February 23rd). So far, I haven't experienced any nausea. I feel fantastic! I definitely get tired throughout the day, especially after eating. Billy has been so sweet lately. He's taken over my duties quite often and just let me go lay down and rest. What a sweet hubby!

I ended up not using keytone stripes during my last pregnancy, but I do think I am going to order them and chart my results this time around just for my own records (curiosity). So...will be ording those in a bit.

I'm drinking about 1.5 liters of water a day...just can't seem to get enough of it! Love my H2O!!

Craving fruit like crazy and anything FRESH! Hating salty food and meat at the moment.

We told the kiddos we we're pregnant and they are all excited. It is neat to see each of their reactions to the idea of adding to our family. To Rylan it is no big deal. Nolan and Gideon are shining with joy and tell everyone we meet that I am expecting. Layla continuously rubs my belly and tells me how much she loves the new baby and Licoln has learned the word "baby" and pats my tummy.

Tonight, Layla crawled up in my lap and asked me to show her what the baby looks like. She loves checking in on the 3D pic of the embryo development I have posted on my blog....me too. hehe

I can't tell you how much joy Billy and I have about adding to our family. I feel so blessed.

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

~Psalms 127:3-5

Another Bundle of Joy due Thanksgiving 2011!!

"And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name, receiveth me." Matthew 18:5

Praise God for his blessings! They come in so many different ways. This past Tuesday evening I came home from some alone Mommy time and decided since AF was due the next day and I had one last PG test sitting around...Well, why not? I had taken a test Friday and got a BFN and again on Sunday (BFN), so I was totally expecting one more BFN. I was wrong. As I starred at the test in disbelief, a line began to appear and immediately joy filled and overflowed my heart and I cried out to God, "Thank You Lord! Thank you for this Blessing!"

We have always allowed the Lord to determine the size of our family, but in the past few months my desire for another baby has grown immensely and it just seemed like it was never going to happen.

I ran out of the bathroom crying tears of joy and showed Billy the test. He didn't believe at first due to it being a $1 store test, so he went out to pick up some digital tests.......and both said PREGNANT!!!

So, we are thrilled to welcome our new blessing into this world this some time around this next Thanksgiving!

God is Good all the time and all the time God is Good!

Figuring out your pregnant the old fashioned way....

I haven't written on here since my last unassisted birth in Aug of '09, but I guess recently I've had a reason to resume my blogging.

Well, in a nutshell I think I could be pregnant! Billy and I are both just giddy with anticipation!

My last AF was April 6th. My cycles tend to range from 28 days to 45 days with an average being a 32 day cycle.

So, my earliest missed period could have been as early as May 5th or as late as May 19th.

And considering hubby and I were very active during this past month....I'm guessing I have a strong chance of being pregnant.


I was talking to my friend, Angela, the today about when to actually take a pregnancy test and through the conversation we got back to the question of "What did women do prior to pregnancy tests?" I mean how did they decide that they were definitely "with child?"

In this technologically advanced, immediate gratification day in age it would be ludicrous to choose NOT to POAS (Pee On A Stick---aka take a pregnancy test) to determine if one was for sure pregnant.

However, what if I chose to not POAS?
What if I just waited and listed to my body to tell me that I was carrying life?

After 5 pregnancies and births, I have some idea behind how my body reacts to pregnancy.

First, at around 5-6 weeks I usually begin feeling bloated and extremely exhausted.
Then , around 10-14 weeks the morning sickness arrives.
And Around 20 weeks I feel definite regular movement.

So, what if I just wait and see...no testing to confirm. Just wait and see if symptoms arise that conclude, "Yep, I'm pregnant?!"

My cat is presently hugely pregnant. About 6 weeks ago Billy and I were awakened to loud meowing....Um.... er...... looking out our bedroom window we saw our little kitten being very promiscuous.

We agreed that the outcome of that event would most likely be that our little kitty would be a mommy. Now, I did not confirm our theory by having my cat POAS, so I could be totally wrong and she has some sort of horrible tumor growing in her belly. However, most likely I'm correct and nature took it's course and she'll be pushing out some cute baby kitties in the near future.

My point of this story is not because I wanted to inform you all of my cat's fertility, but to make ya think....... a cat's one-night-stand doesn't need a test to confirm a pregnancy. We just trust and assume. However, as humans we can't just allow nature to take it's course and confirm our pregnancy by listening to our body and waiting.

We NEED to know and usually know as early as possible.

I think this time around I am going to do........................... NOTHING. No test, no strips, no Dr.'s blood test for insurance reasons....just wait and listen to what my body is saying.

I know the date of my last period, so concluding that my cycle does not come again and my body does tell me it's pregnant, then I will estimate my due date to be.......the month of January 2011.

No actual edd is really necessary. I know baby will come when it is the right time. I'm actually thinking that it'll be nice to not have a deadline because that way people won't be calling and repeated ly asking, " Arn't you worried your late. What if something is wrong?" etc... When baby is ready. Baby will come.

Freebirth story of Lincoln Josiah

Lincoln Josiah Perkins

was born unassisted, in the water,

into the arms of his mommy and daddy

at 10:53 pm. on

Monday, August 10th, 2009
10 lbs. 5 oz. 21 1/4 in long

15" head 16" chest

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

~Psalms 139:13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freebirth

of

Lincoln Josiah

Monday morning around 10am I felt my first real contraction. It was different than the others that I had during my prodominal labor for the past month. I took a few pics of my belly changing before and during the contrax.

before during
(round) (pointy)

My SIL was coming over to hang out. I went ahead with that plan since I had been "thinking" labor would never come and surely this was just another episode of prodominol labor. Around 10:15am I decided to lay down for a short nap and see if the contractions would peter out. Shockingly, they stayed! I was so excited that I couldn't really sleep through them! Around 11am I awoke, pottied and found my first signs that this was for sure the start of labor, my bloody show! I scramed for joy. My SIL had just walked in downstairs and I came down excited and exclaiming what I had just found. LOL.

My contractions began at 8 min apart and very quickly went to 3 minutes apart where they stayed for the remainder of my labor.

I called hubby at 3pm and told him to come home from work because this was finally IT!

My contracrtions were strong and I was so enthusiastic about having them. I welcomed each contraction and invisioned a wave coming over me, opening my cervix and slowly pushing my baby down.

8pm- My contractons were getting much more stronger. I really thought baby would be born within the hour. We decided to make a pallet on the floor downstairs for the kids to watch a movie and drift off to sleep while Billy and I went upstairs to labor. I needed quiet. The kids were great and never made a peep once settled. I took Layla upstairs and we got into the tub to help ease the contractions. She thought this was great, but after a few contractions I decided tub was not doing it for me and I was just so tired.

Craziliy, I decide to lay down and try to sleep. Layla did fall asleep though and she was out for the night. Laying down was horrible and reminded me of exactly why I WAS NOT birthing in the hospital strapped to a bed. I had two contrax and was up again bouncing on the birthing ball. Nothing seemed to help.

---Last pic of hubby and my belly around 8 pm--

Of course, hubby did fall asleep and surprisingly I was ok with that. I just wanted to be alone and dive deep inside of myself, talking outloud to God for strength and endurance.

Up to this point I really hadn't decide where to give birth. Land or water? Nothing I did while on land made me feel comfortable, so I chose to get back in the tub and go from there.

10:15pm - Contractions were sooo intense. I called out to Billy to wake up and he jumped up. I told him it would be soon. He set up the video camera and gave me words of encouragement. Many times I cried out, "Help me! Help me!" I don't know why. Was I talking to God? Billy? Myself? It just came out. Billy would ask, "What do you need?" and I'd say "Nothing!" Funny now, but probably confusing to him then. LOL.

I couldn't decide on a birthing position. Thank goodness I didn't need to. My body would push him out anyway.

Around 10:30pm I decided to check and see if I could feel where baby's head was. I reached in and could feel his hard, squishy head with a bit of cervical lip about 2" in. It was unreal to feel him inside me. This was my 5th baby and third homebirth, but my first unassisted birth. I had never taken it apon myself to feel my progress. I always had leftthat up to my midwife. This was amazing. I felt so empowered and strong. With each contraction, I checked againa nd again. It was so incredible to feel my baby pushing through each layer of me.

After 3 contractions, I felt him at the rim of my vagina. His head buldging. Breathing throughthe pain, I remembered somewhere reading about pushing on the top of the yoni to discourage tearing. I had never torn before, but could just feel this baby was big and so I placed my fingers on the top of my yoni and pressed hard. I held my fingers there through the next contx and thought if I let go I would surely split up to my navel. His head popped out! I let out a loud, "Thank you God!" and demanded Billy to start taking pictures (even though he was). My birth pictures are an obsession of mine and at this point in all my births I become very demanding of pics. You'd think I'd be focused on something different. lol.

I placed my hand over his head and it felt amazing! He was almost here (and I sadly thought) gone from inside me forever.

I had a piggy back contraction, pushed my bottom up off the floor of the tub and with a long push that my body demanded he flew into the water.

I don't remember picking him up. It had to be instinctual to scoop him up because no one else would. Just me and my baby. --10:53pm

He was purply-blue and had his cord drapped around his shoulders. He was sooo beautiful. I was immediatly in love. How does that happen? Instant love.

His eyes were wide open and his hands were opening and closing. He did not cry at first, but I knew he was fine. He was perfect. Billy asked if he was ok because he hadn't cried. At that moment Lincoln let out a big HELLO cry to tell Daddy he was ok.

After five births, I still am amazed that I did this. My body did this. Birth. Every time, I think to myself, "I can't believe i did it!"

Billy went to wake the kids, but they were all out for the night and wouldn't budge. Layla had slept through the entire thing, in our bed, only 10 ft away.

About 30 min later I decided to get out ofthe tub. When I went to move, the placenta slid out. That was easy! We placed it in a bowl. It was still attached to Lincoln. I had not made a decision about when to cut or if we would cut his umbilcal cord. We just enjoyed the moments. Soaking in every bit of it all and not rushing for anything. We sat on the bed and just starred at our new baby. I offered him the breast and he took to it immediatly.

About 2 hours after birth we decided to weigh him. The scale reads 10 and 1/3 lb which would convert to about 10 lbs and 5oz.

Around 2 am, 3 hours after his birth, we chose to cut the cord. The cord was cold, limp, and white. there was no blood in it. We did not tie or clamp it. We chose a place about 2" above his navel and cut. The inside was completely clotted. You could see where the three veins had clotted and the entire inside looked like a piece of hard yellowish fat. i wish I would have taken a pic of it.

We went to bed and slept until 6 am when my middle son, Nolan, entered the room curious to see if we had really had the baby. He was so excited to see his new baby brother and soon after followed Gideon, Rylan and lastly, Layla woke up and everyone oooo'd and awe'd over him.

The morning after his birth, around 11am, we measured his length, head, and chest. He was my biggest baby yet! Head 15" chest 16" and length 21 1/4"

We are enjoying our babymoon and soaking up all of this sweet love!!!