Week 16

Week 16 Prenatal Care

Weight: 281 (+8 lbs)

B/P: 132/77

Morning Sickness: I have been sick with congestion and coughing for the past week. I end up coughing so much that it gags me and I puke every morning. I really believe once I'm over the sickies that puking will have stopped. I don't get queasy during the day at all anymore. Thank you Lord! I do feel tired and need a nap in the early afternoon and try and rest daily because of it. Hubby always cooks breakfast for me every morning right after my puking! He is so awesome! He knows that I am starving right after I puke and makes my favorite: scrambled egg, sausage, on toasted pumpernickel! Yum!

Cravings: Juice, juice, juice.... and still anything vinegar! I am a bit concerned about the weight gain due to juice and also all the sugar leading to GD, so I am trying to limit it. I've never tested positive for GD, but still...

Exercise: not walking or running at this point, but would like to once it warms up

Gender guess: No idea, but I think we are not going to get anymore u/s so we wont be tempted to find out the gender. I would really like a surprise this time!

Names: So far we are loving Hosanna Joy for a girl and maybe Judah James for a boy.
Fundal Height: my uterus comes about an inch under my belly button. Measuring perfectly!
Movement: Flutters started happening early in week 14 and at 15 weeks 4 days I was sitting with the laptop on my lap, propped up on my belly by my belly button and for the first time just felt this super strong kick that literally bumped the computer! It was so shocking. It was so strong! I must have been squishing him/her. lol I loved feeling that strong kick! It was like baby was saying, "I'm here!"




The Birth Pause: moments after birth.

(Click on the photo for article)

Week 10 Prenatal Care

7 week ultrasound- tiny, perfect heartbeat!

Week 10 Prenatal Care

Starting weight: 274

B/P: 

Morning Sickness: Morning sickness hit around week 7 and became overwhelming in week 8 and 9 to the point the motion, light, smells, etc.. made me feel incapacitated, but by this week (week 10) it let up some and I feel like I can function better. I'm still puking every morning, but am able to eat and function afterwards.  I am usually starving at 2-3 am and find myself waking multiple times a night to pee. Oh the joys of pregnancy! 

Cravings: soda water, anything vinegar- especially Scalini's salad YUM!  

Exercise: hoping to walk/run again when morning sickness calms down.

Gender guess: I really have no idea. I think we are going to wait to find out the gender, but then again we always say that and then end up caving. lol. 

Names: I love the name Penelope for a girl and Judah for a boy, but no middle names decided yet. 

To watch a video of baby's heartbeat beating at 7 weeks click the link. Heartbeat - week 7

Another Beautiful Life

The Lord has blessed us again with another baby! 

Estimated due date June 8th, 2015.

On  Sunday, September 28th we stopped off after church to pick up some crazy hair dye for Awanas later that night. I went in CVS and decided on a whim to get a pregnancy test. No idea why, but I didn't tell hubs or anyone. I really didn't expect it to be positive. Then again, I had lost almost 40 pounds from running = getting pregnant. :)
So, right before we left for church I decided to go POAS while hubs was getting the kiddos in the car. It came up immediately a blaring positive!

I came out to the car grinning from ear to ear and hubs noticing asked why I was so happy? I waited til we dropped off the kids at Awanas and we went to get a frappe at Starbucks before church began. I told him I would pass on the frappe because of this and held up my the pic of the positive test on my phone. He instantly smiled from ear to ear and couldn't believe I had kept it from him for all of an hour. We were so happy to know we created life once again!  God is good. 

Freebirth of Evangeline Rose Perkins

My Beautiful Freebirth of 

EVANGELINE ROSE PERKINS

Born at home and into her Mommy's hand's

 on June 12, 2013 at 5:05pm 

10 pounds 8 ounces, 20.5 inches long, 15 inch head

Evangeline's birth was different than my other 5 births. All of my other natural births my body baked baby to 42-44 weeks, but with Evangeline she decided to make here arrival 3 days before my due date. Three ultrasounds determined a EDD of June 15th, so we were expecting birth some time before the end of  June.  

For weeks my body had been preparing with tons of prodromal labor. Contractions that hurt and were regular, but then would fizzle out. At 4 am the morning before her birth I woke to go pee and saw pink on the tissue! I was so excited and of course couldn't get back to sleep due to the exciting news. I had been loosing mucus for about a week prior to this, but none streaked pink. This was progress. Throughout that day I had a few contractions and more bloody show, but nothing to bring about labor. Nesting went full throttle and I was cleaning like crazy! lol.  The next day, hubby went to run some errands and I remembered I needed to sew the cloth that she would be weighed in using the fish scale. As I sat there around 9:30 am I had two good contractions that started in my back and came around to my front. Nothing insane and they didn't last long, but they did feel different. I stood up and went to make my bed. As I made my bed I felt this little push from inside my body. Never felt that before. I had this urge to go ahead and set up my birthing nest at the floor of my bed. Again, I wasn't having regular contractions or anything. I just had a feeling I should, so  I did. Within a few minutes of setting it up hubby walked in and asked me why I was setting it up and I said I just felt like I should and then GUSH my water broke. It made me jump onto the plastic. Hubby asked me what happened and I squealed with JOY, " My water just broke!" He honestly didn't believe me because in five births I have never had my water brake prior to pushing a head out. However, a second continuous GUSH proved him wrong. lol. Her amniotic fluid was straw colored with lots of specs f white vernix floating in it. All healthy and normal. My daughter Layla, 6, was there when my water broke and continued to flow. She just kept saying, "That's a lot of water!" We talked about how baby was floating in it all 9 months, etc.. Contractions started but wern't very strong or regular. I chose not to time them because I didn't want the pressure that I needed to preform every so many minutes, etc..like I had felt with timing them during all the pre-labor I had had.  

The date was June 12th and it was my son Gideon's 9th birthday! We had plans of a pool party with friends and lots of cake. However, we celebrated in my bedroom with me in my birthing nest. lol. Gideon was a bit down at first of sharing his birthday with his little sister, but soon as he saw her for the first time thinks it is the greatest present and yes, he will get his party soon.  

Throughout my early labor my kiddos came in and out of my room..reading to me, talking to me, playing their games and being kids waiting for the arrival of one more sibling. Lincoln my 3 year old would come in and say, "Mommy, I thought you were gonna push the baby out???"  Apparently, the whole process wasn't going fast enough for him.  

Throughout the day I did laundry and cleaned like a mad woman. I walked around in my night gown through contractions eating a mango, peach, coconut smoothie that my oldest brought me home from his work. Mmmmm..Delicious. Where else can you pace around through contractions pant-less while sipping on a smoothie---no where but HOME. I talked with my good friends on the phone and facebook and then came to a point when I could no longer talk and needed to concentrate. Things became serious. I was trying to relax my body and allow baby to move down and out, but these contractions were so strog and hurt! I needed privacy and asked to be alone for a while. I squatted......

 I walked.....

 I swayed...... 

I got on my hands and knees.....

 I bounced on the birthing ball.....

 I sat on it.....

 I laid back....

 I couldn't get into a position that I wanted and that felt right.

 I asked hubby to come back in and held onto his hands as I leaned back into intense contractions. At this point I told him I couldn't do it. What was I thinking? This hurt!!! He reminded me that I could and I've done it before and I was almost there. How did he know? He was just a man. I wanted to kill him...but only for a second. lol. Oh, I hurt so bad. 

I felt the urge to go potty, so I got up and waddled to the toilet. While sitting on the toilet I had another intense contraction and felt to see if I could feel her head. The contraction was pushing her down through me. What an incredible and INTENSE feeling. I realized that the toilet was where I wanted to stay. The support from squatting and the ability to feel her coming down was exactly what I needed. I called for hubby to bring in the extra shower curtain and laid it on the floor. I had another contraction and could feel her shoulders pushing down through my cervix. I had a brief moment of thinking how during my first two hospital births i never remember being so in tune with my body and what I was feeling. Her head was about to crown with the next contraction. I yanked the towels down off the rack and onto the plastic. Hubby asked me what I was doing???....guess he thought it was odd to have a baby next to the toilet. I told him her head was coming and I was going to push her out right there and to go get the camera. With the next contraction I dropped to my knees on the ground. INTENSITY hit.  

At this point I could feel her head pushing through and crowning. She was so big. I could feel how large she was. I wanted to push so bad, but knew that if I did I would tear. So I began chanting, " I'm not gonna push. I'm not gonna push. My body will push." Oh my how it hurt. I will not lie. I would love to say that I didn't feel pain or was at peace and had this quiet gentle birth, but NO it hurt and I thought I was going to split open! So I grunted and I moaned and I repeated "I will not PUSH!"  

My daughter had begged my entire pregnancy to be there when the baby was born, so I yelled out to her to come now.  Apparently Littlest Pet Shop was on TV and that was more interesting. lol. Infact, this whole time during transition in the bathroom all of the kids were watching TV in the living room and playing Mindcraft - just 15 ft away. lol. Layla came in and saw and squealed out, "The baby is coming!!! The baby is coming !! I see its head!!!" That made all the kids come running. 

Her head emerged and I felt her move inside of me. She turned a complete turn and 

and at the point, my body pushed Evangeline into the world!  

Layla watching the miricle of birth. 

         

Sooooo much vernix. My little clay baby!

 My two gorgeous girls! 

Evangeline's cord was shorter than my other babies. 18 inches where Lincoln's was 22".  I couldn't pull her to my breast, so we settled for tummy. She was beautiful and perfect and a blessing from my Creator above. 

                               

Welcome baby girl!

 I wrapped her in a pink towel and laid her between my legs. She cried and her cry was music to my ears. We have waited for so long for this moment. an eternty to see you...to hold you.... Thank you my Jesus for this gift. 

Everyone gathered into the bathroom to see. My oldest two were standing behind Daddy in the doorway (taking pictures).

I am empowered. I am tough. I am powerful. I am resilient. I did it..All through my God who strengthens me!

About 30 minutes after pushing her out I felt an urge to gently push and out came her placenta: whole. 

About 2 hours later we cut her cord. No need to tie. Her cord was yellow and limp and clotted. 

We weighed her and measured her. We used a digital fishing scale with my homemade baby holder. Here is Daddy weighing her: 10 pounds 8 ounces. I knew she was big. My biggest baby yet. My last baby was 10 lbs 5 oz., so she beat her big brother by a few ounces.  BUT, at only 20.5 inches long, she was my shortest baby.

About three hours after her arrival. <3 nbsp="" p="">

God is such an amazing God. He created our bodies to do incredible things. Growing a baby from a tiny sperm and egg into a perfect human and then, without me doing anything, He created it so that my body would know how to get her out. I am one blessed and empowered Mommy. 

What an Intense and amazing experience once again. Thank you Lord for your strength and endurance to bring our blessing into the world. 

27 weeks pregnant with Evangeline Rose

Evangeline Rose 27 weeks! 

Evangeline~ "Good News"  God answering our prayers and giving us life in my womb after 3 years of asking is "Good News" to us and we are missionaries in Utah spreading His "Good News!" Her name has special meaning in both ways to us!
Rose~ from my maiden name "Rossell" and after our baby, Lulah Pearl, who is with Jesus and laid to rest under a wild rose bush.


Growing Life........

God's Goodness Overcomes Tragedy

I'm late posting this beautiful news, but here it is! The Lord is good! He has placed life inside my womb after 3 years of praying and asking...All in His sovereign timing and goodness. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

A BUN in the OVEN! 

God's goodness overcomes tragedy.

/

I refuse fear. I choose Truth!

Heavenly Father,

 As I go through this pregnancy, I choose to cast down every imagination; fear, anxiety and worry; bringing them into the captivity of Christ. I thank you that I have no need to fear bad news because You strengthen me and give me hope as trust in You. Thank You that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You! I desire faith like Abraham, believing that ‘You exist and that You are a rewarder of those who diligently seek You’. You said, ‘I would find You, God, when I seek You with all of my heart’. Father, I choose to seek You first, along this journey. I praise You! You said in the Bible, that ‘You would bless the fruit of my womb, the number of my days you would fulfill and that none shall be barren among your people’.  I thank you now, for giving me faith and hope to believe in this new miracle! A feeling of anxiousness has come over me at times now that I am pregnant. At times my mind is racing and my heart beats fast and fear takes hold of me. Father, help me to do as You say in Your Word, that ‘in prayer and petition, with a thankful heart to let my requests be made known to You. ‘As I lay my requests at Your feet, I exchange my anxious thoughts for a mind of peace. Perfect peace as you have promised, when my mind is stayed upon You. I praise You for that peace that passes all understanding.  As I go through these next months carrying this beautiful gift You've given to us, help me to delight myself in You, to be strong and of good courage, to not go ahead of your perfect plan. I praise and thank You, as I wait on You, that my strength is restored, so I can soar like an eagle. I choose to place my trust in You in waiting, believing You will refresh me.As I seek You, You said that ‘You would answer me and deliver me from all my fears.’ I praise You that You are with me, that I have no need to feel discouraged or afraid for this baby.Thank you that You are my strength and my help. Bring peace to my troubled heart as You uphold me with Your righteous right hand.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Written February 19, 2011

The Unassisted "Birth" of Lulah Pearl 

at 10 weeks.

 "Born" on May 5, 2011

Written February 19, 2012

 My uterus aches I want a baby so badly. I want to hold her. I want to nurse her. I want to wear her in my sling all day long. I don't care if baby comes through my own body or through adoption, I just need to have one. I can't describe how strong this feeling is. It is so strong that the idea of taking someone elses baby crosses through my mind. I would never do it, but often when I am in a grocery store and I see an itty bitty one strapped into a baby carrier I want to save it. I feel like I could be a better mom to it. I would strap him on to me, lay him at my breast and console his tiny crying voice. I miss the days of cooing and nursing. I miss my baby that is suppose to be here right now in my arms and should be turning three months old. I want to see her chubby cheeks and sweet milky smiles as she drifts off to sleep at my breast. There is a hole in my heart. It needs to be filled. Someone please place a baby in my arms. Someone please heal my hurting heart. Two and a half years of trying to get pregnant~ my heart aches so much. WHY did we have to loose our baby? I'm so scared of finding out I'm pregnant again. If that day ever comes it will be a day of JOY, but also fear. Fear that I could loose another. I saw her tiny hands. Each perfect finger and each perfect toe. Her tiny head laid to the side and her eye and tiny ear bud, not fully formed but there growing in perfectness. I still can't believe how much of a baby she already was, at 10 weeks. I carried her for 3 more weeks after I found out her heart no longer beat. Everyday came and I wanted to see her and hold her. I wanted it all to be over, so I could move on too. So confusing are all these emotions. I wanted to stay "pregnant" with her forever. Forever, safe inside of me.  I was so numb. Sad. Trying to be strong for my husband and kids who were experiencing the death too. I prayed that God would allow me to see her when my body birthed her tiny body. He did. My God heard my cry and answered my prayers. I am so thankful. Three weeks passed with her  safe inside of me, but with no beating heart. NO cramping came. No bleeding came. Just meals from everyone and meaningless words to try and comfort. "You'll get pregnant again." " This is very normal." "You're lucky that you already have five children." All said with good intentions, but cut so deep. Smiling through the meals and the visits, but my heart was broken and shattered and I never knew if I would be whole again. Finely,  22 days after knowing my baby had died, sitting at the computer messaging a friend who had been through the same devastation as me many times before, I heard and felt a loud "PoP." About half an hour earlier cramping had started and intense cramping had begun and felt very much like labor. It was rhythmic and strong. I couldn't get away from it no matter what I did. I rocked back and forth on my birthing ball while messaging my friend. The "Pop" came and I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I could feel  that my pants were soaking wet. I had this fear that I was going to pull down my pants and see tons of blood, but it was clear. I stepped into the shower and squatted  Waited. My body sent this push from down deep inside and out plopped a dark red ball onto the shower floor a little larger than a tennis ball. I picked it up, searching carefully for my baby. I badly wanted to see her. Nothing. My heart sank. Had she dissolved in these past three weeks? disappeared? Sadness over took me and I stepped out of the shower to place the placenta into a bowl. As I turned around to step back into the shower, there she was. So tiny and helpless laying on the shower floor. Her tiny hand spread out was the first thing I saw. She was so tiny. The size of my thumb. Unbelievable. Perfect. Whole. I was so scared I was going to hurt her as I picked her lifeless body up. She didn't have skin. She felt like jelly, but shaped like a perfect tiny baby. I held her in my hand. Touched her tiny hand. over and over again. I counted her toes and fingers. 10 tiny toes. 10 tiny fingers all there. I was miraculously holding a tiny human, my baby, only 10 weeks old in the palm of my hand. I was thinking how people destroy this....that this wasn't life. Oh how I wish they could see her. See how beautiful she is. Her head was turned to the side and her eye, black and not completely formed yet was looking up at me. I wanted to keep her and hold her in my hand forever. I knew I had to place her in the cold dark ground, but I didn't want too. I called my husband in. He had bought the most perfect tiniest box. It was near Mother's Day and the box was suppose to be used for a gift card. It was perfect. Decorated with butterflies, it said "You are my most precious gift." We laid her in the box and closed the lid. We did not have her funeral til the next morning and all night long I got up and peeped back inside of that tiny box to take another look at my precious Pearl. It felt weird placing her on my dresser. I wanted to have her in my bed, in my belly. The next morning, we went out and bought a large green planter and picked out a beautiful wild rose bush. As a family, sitting together in our living room we said goodbye. We placed her at the bottom of the planter, each covering her with a handful of soil and planting this beautiful pink wild rose bush on top. We sang the hymn, "In the Garden" and read Psalms 139. I felt some peace. Sadness was still raw, but peace would come. We placed her (the planter) outside on our front porch where we could see her bloom everyday throughout the season and again and again the following years. It felt right having her nearby. That has been 10 months ago and spring is coming. I've seen new green leaf buds sprouting out of her rose bush. I can't wait to see her come to life this year and spread her beauty out as each leaf unfurrows and every petal opens up.  

Lulah Pearl "born" May 5, 2011
"You formed my inward parts and knitted me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well. " Psalms 139